Forgotten...

.....that is how I feel. Forgotten, overlooked. Unremembered.

Nothing deliberate, although there may be an element of meaning to. But just as time moves on, the thing that we agreed would never happen, has.

It makes me sad, annoyed, petulant, and needy. And I hate myself for hating your happiness. What is wrong with me that I want you to be miserable, pining for me. Although I have no intention of going over old ground, it makes me want to.

Unremembered. That's the best word.

Sometimes....

...you need an outlet. I don't really have that. I have things I want to say to people that I can no longer speak to. Things I want to share, but can't. I wonder what it would be like to have one person who knows EVERYTHING about you. I should like that, I think. But I can't have it. Not without a lot of pain and heartache.

sigh.

You just get really frustrated you know? I want to chat with him like I used to. But this time with nothing else attached. No lust, no sex, just friendship. You give up that right too easily sometimes, and though you don't miss it all the time, there are times when the ache to chat, to laugh, to joke, is all too strong, and you need an outlet. I guess this one is it.

Well.....

.....well... it has been a long long time!!!

I passed my course that I started in September 2008, and am now in my final year. Project to write, which is probably why I'm here typing on a very old blog, rather than buckling down and doing some work.

Of course, the weather has been both beautiful and painful at the same time. A bit like life. I find myself happier than I have been in such a long time. And I think I really am finally looking forward with optimism about the years ahead.

L is now a happy healthy and very noisy 2 year old. She brings joy to all who know and love her. We really have been blessed.

And myself and S are stronger and happier than ever. Maybe even thinking about having a second child once my course has finished in the summer.

I still have a plan. And it's coming together!!